A boss once asked me to coach a talented team member to “go for it” on a plum role. On form, she was the standout. She didn’t see it that way. Meanwhile, another internal candidate was campaigning hard, pitching their suitability with absolute conviction.
Here’s the rub: if someone has to convince you how much of a good catch they are, they’re possibly not.
Recruitment is hard. Finding the right people is always a mix of competence and chemistry. But confidence is something else. A quieter candidate isn’t automatically a risky choice. And sometimes a highly confident one is a red flag.
Why? Because ignorance can’t recognise itself.
We see it everywhere: people who simply don’t possess the skills to recognise their own gaps. Psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger described this in what’s now known as the Dunning–Kruger effect. Their research found that people who are less competent tend to over-rate their abilities, while those with higher expertise often under-rate theirs.
As knowledge grows, confidence often drops – at least for a while – as we begin to realise just how much there is to learn. Confidence only rebuilds once true competence takes shape. In other words, the less we know, the more confident we are; while the more we learn, the more we realise how much more there is to learn.
We see this in workplaces all the time. Those who speak the loudest aren’t always the most capable. Meanwhile, the ones quietly doing exceptional work can be overlooked simply because they don’t self-promote. But that humility may stem from a deeper awareness of complexity and responsibility, rather than a lack of belief in their worth.
So, before you ask, “Why can’t she just back herself and be more confident?”, pause and get curious. What’s really driving her caution? It might not be insecurity. It might be accuracy and self-awareness.
Instead of trying to “fix” confidence, focus on creating safety, clarity and connection in the work environment:
- Make it safe to speak up and stretch into new challenges.
- Separate “must-have” from “nice-to-have” in role criteria.
- Value substance over showmanship, rewarding genuine capability and results, not just the polish of a confident sales pitch.
- Foster a genuine sense of belonging so that people are more likely to speak up, take risks and show up fully.
- Coach for clarity, not theatre, and help individuals name their impact and ask for what they need.
And if you find yourself in the “less confident” camp? Remember that competence is your anchor. Keep track of your wins, gather feedback, and get comfortable articulating the value you bring… not as a performance, but as evidence. Confidence often follows clarity, so focus first on what you know and how you’ve grown. Seek mentors, allies and environments where you feel safe to stretch. Belonging fuels belief, and belief strengthens voice.
Confidence can be coached. Competence must be cultivated. The real magic is when we build workplaces that make room – and respect – for both.
