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Mental load. Can anyone relate?

20.02.2020 // Leave a Comment

Mary mother of Jesus. I don’t often talk about parenting, but the busiest time of year on my work calendar just happens to coincide with back to school. Which finally happened last week after EIGHT. WEEKS. of school holidays.

Back to school. Not a moment too soon. But not all week of course, because student-free days!!! And no holiday camps because it’s back-to-school week. Except when it’s not.

Fly in grandma from interstate. She covers Week 8 and the not-back-to-school day.

Attempt to plan childcare for new school year. Regular babysitter has enrolled in Uni. Now available only Thurs and Fri. Need solution for other days.

Contact tennis coach and shift Monday lesson time earlier. He can walk directly there and home. Monday sorted.

Confirm equestrian babysitter still available for Tuesday horse riding. Will start next week. Tuesday sorted.

Wednesday is free. After School Care available. Complete booking form and scan/email back.

Regular babysitter can do Thur/Fri.

All weekdays sorted. High five me.

Receive email from class parent. Things to know for 2020. 

Wednesday school sports training shifts to Tuesday this year. Or possibly Thursday depending on team. But probably Tuesday given last year’s grading. Confirmation next Monday after Saturday trials.

Contact riding coach and shuffle Tuesday horse riding to Thursday. But equestrian babysitter can’t drive him there Thursday.

Message regular babysitter. Can she drive him to and from horse riding on a Thursday? It’s a long drive. She agrees. Phew.

Friday swimming and tennis comp confirmed. Babysitter secured. Hallelujah!

School goes back Tuesday. Grandma flies home Wednesday. Meetings finish on time to make After School Care pickup.

Regular babysitter not into horses, but Thursday goes well. Swimming and tennis on Friday as planned. We survive Week 1. Champagne corks are a-popping!!

Text message pings on Saturday morning. Tennis grading went well. So well he’s been promoted from Friday comp to Top 10 on Thursday. He’s elated! But horse riding on Thursday won’t finish in time. Can they hold his place while I shuffle commitments?

Need another day for horse riding. Maybe Friday? But swimming is Friday. So maybe Wednesday? Or else move swimming out from Friday and horse riding comes in? 

Phone swim centre. Is there a spot at his level another day? Not Wednesday. Maybe Thursday. That would work for tennis. But need to move Thursday horse riding first.

Phone riding coach. Can we change lesson day again? To Wednesday? It’s the only free day. She’s in lessons but says that should be ok. Will phone back to confirm.

Then realise Wednesday is free now, but soon won’t be. Assuming AFL training stays on Wednesday. Which it might. Or might not. Phone riding coach back. Can it be Friday?

Friday is tricky. Horse sometimes away for weekend comps. After-school slot is taken. But could do later in day? Which is daylight now, but will be darkness in winter. I’ll take it anyway. Friday confirmed.

Swim centre now closed. Can’t change swimming til tomorrow. Phone back Sunday. Yes – one last spot for Thursday. Must start immediately to secure. Remember I’m working interstate this Thursday, and regular babysitter has uni orientation. I’ll take it anyway.

Contact tennis coach and confirm new Thursday comp time.

Start ringing around for a stand-in babysitter for regular babysitter on Thursday. The brother of a friend is available. Can meet him at swimming and take him to tennis. But he doesn’t drive and forecast is rain. I’ll take it anyway. Devise contingency in case it’s too wet. Thursday confirmed. 

Monday comes and school sports confirmed. It’s definitely Tuesday training (not Thursday). Winner. Tuesday confirmed. 

Thursday comes. It’s raining. Teach him how to erect and de-rect umbrella. Pack it in school bag. With swim flippers and tennis racquet. He resembles a Sherpa. Take ferry then train then plane to Brisbane.

Weather holds out at home. Stand-in babysitter messages during meeting: schedule or contingency? Not sure. What’s the weather like in Sydney? All good. Proceed. Husband phones during meeting. Silent phone with auto-responder: Can’t talk right now. Everything ok? Checking on pick up times. It’s in the message I sent you yesterday!!!

Raining cats and dogs in Brisbane. Navigate meetings through localised flooding. Traffic jammed but flights on time. Make it… but flight now delayed by delayed connecting flight. Eventually takes off and makes up lost time. Land before curfew. Home before midnight.

Awake to reminder: it’s swimming carnival today. Seriously?!? Missed last two years and had promised this time. Start earlier and shuffle appointments to finish later. See him win a race for the first time ever. His smile would melt the coldest heart.

Back to the office. Work through dinner. 10pm clock off. Did I mention it’s busy this time of year?

Flexibility works. But the mental load is real.

God grant me no more schedule changes, at least until the next term begins!

Is it only me? Or perhaps you can relate??

HINT FOR PEOPLE LEADERS: Might be a good time to check in with the parents and grand-parents on your team!!

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Jen Dalitz

1 years ago

Jen Dalitz

Thought since it's too hot to ride today I'd write another post with some more insights from my equestrian adventures. This one is about the hogwash of goal setting and was inspired by the influx of deals in my inbox from so-called "experts" and "thought leaders" offering their services to assist me in setting goals for 2020.

BREAKING NEWS: Setting goals won't of itself make change - it takes relentless hard work to turn a dream into reality and you have to be willing to stay the distance.

Happy new year everyone, and may you stay the distance to achieve all the good things you’re willing to work hard for. I can't wait to follow your success!

#dreams #goalsetting #staythedistance #thisisleadership

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Will you stay the distance? - Jen Dalitz

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As is customary this time of year, many people are planning their resolutions and setting their goals for the year ahead. An increasing number of ...
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Jen Dalitz

1 years ago

Jen Dalitz

There’s a saying in the equestrian world that the horse always comes first. That means, amongst other things, that in the morning the horse gets breakfast before you even put the coffee on to brew; when you arrive at an outing you set up base camp in a safe place with a fresh supply of water and tether your steed before setting up your own swag; and when you get home in the dark after hours of driving and the adrenaline of competing has long evaporated, it’s the horse that gets unloaded and fed and packed away first.

This extends to inspecting the dressage arena or show jumping course to identify potential hazards or gradients or tricky lines that can make the going tougher; and to walking a cross-country course to scout out any obstacles that might surprise or spook the horse. In so doing, the rider can be prepared to sooth her horse over any lairy logs or daring ditches that may otherwise seem impossibly high or wickedly wide to navigate at full gallop.

Quite apart from the issue of animal welfare, riders put their horse first because they need their horse to believe in them. Together they form a partnership, a special bond and trust that plays out not only on the ground but more importantly when mounted, where the stakes are higher and there’s less wriggle room for getting out of sticky spots. Manoeuvring half a tonne of flight animal around obstacles at pace requires a willingness and commitment by the horse to follow the rider’s lead, come what may.

The horse for his part will do this without blinking, knowing that the rider always has his interests at heart. He learns that when the going gets tough his rider will be right there with him, offering encouragement and a kind word or a scratch on the neck when reassurance is called for.

A horse will follow the lead of its trusted and competent rider, even though it’s sheer size and might offers a clear and ever-present choice to not follow.

One might draw parallels from the power and persuasion of the horse and the confidence it draws from its rider, to the sheer size and scale of a nation and the confidence it draws from its appointed leaders.

The nation, through its population dispersed geographically and economically across country or continent, has a clear and present choice as to follow it’s political leaders, or not. Whether to believe in its leaders, or not. Whether to elect or re-elect its leaders, or not.

I believe the single greatest determinant in this choice is whether a constituent feels that they come first, or not.

Of course, coming first will mean different things to different people but there are certain factors that at an aggregated level will be universal. Factors like leaders being present, decisive, compassionate and showing they care in times of crisis.

Think Anna Bligh during the Queensland floods. Kevin Rudd in the aftermath of Black Saturday. John Howard in the devastating wake of the Bali bombings.

And then there’s Scott Morrison. As I write, bushfires are raging across five states and there have been “watch and act” and emergency levels incidents for months. Mr Morrison’s home state of New South Wales is in the throes of a megafire the likes of which the Rural Fire Service has never seen. Queensland, South Australia, Victoria and Western Australia are also on tenterhooks as a mostly-voluntary army of firefighters decide hour-by-hour, day-by-day and week-by-week where to prioritise their emergency response.

Against this backdrop, Mr Morrison decided the time was right to take a family vacation to Hawaii, far away from the smoke and haze that his constituents in Sydney have been enduring for weeks. It was only the tragic deaths of two volunteer firefighters, both young men with young families and in the prime of their lives, that inspired Mr Morrison to cut short his holiday and return home a day earlier.

Upon his return, and during a press conference at the NSW Rural Fire Service headquarters in Sydney, Mr Morrison stated the obvious: "I get it that people would have been upset to know that I was holidaying with my family while their families were under great stress”.

Umm. Yes. It’s surely a reasonable expectation that our elected leader would stand with his people during a crisis of such magnitude, if not through a feeling of genuine concern or obligation then surely to at least to create an impression as such?

He then added “But I'm comforted by the fact that Australians would like me to be here, just simply so I can be here, alongside them as they're going through this terrible time ... and I apologise for that."

My view is it’s not so much that I would like him to be here at this time; but that I can’t understand why he wouldn’t want to be here with the citizens of the country he leads, at what for many is their darkest hour.

It surely doesn’t feel like his citizens come first.
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Jen Dalitz

2 years ago

Jen Dalitz

Oh dear. Poor Leigh Sales. For many women though, the business kiss is an increasingly frequent occurrence. So, is there ever a place for it? My thoughts on the matter here... and what managers and people leaders should do now. ... See MoreSee Less

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Friends you may have heard me on ABC radio today commenting on Leigh Sales' unwanted lip-kiss while MC'ing at a charity event on the weekend. While it...
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Jen Dalitz

2 years ago

Jen Dalitz

What are the lessons you’re teaching your kids? We took the opportunity of a holiday long weekend to visit my mum interstate as the timing of the trip coincided with my son’s favourite AFL team battling it out against my mum’s beloved team. Perhaps only those of you with the love for AFL will appreciate why we’d plan a long distance trip around a game of footy, but suffice to say it was a passion project! With every ounce of anticipation, the game was a tough, tight duel and could easily have gone either way. Yet when the final siren sounded, it wasn’t our team that was smiling. It sure is tough for a 10 year old boy to sit within a crowd 41,000+ people all cheering for the opposite side. It was tough for him to see the exhaustion and disappointment on the faces of the players he adores. And yet, it’s so important for him to learn that his team won’t always win. There’s so many lessons in that, but the one I chose to instil is that you won’t always back the team that wins but you’ll always back the team that you love. That’s why I asked him to wear his team colours home the next day, and show his support even when the chips are down. That’s the kind of commitment I want my son to learn and the kind of team player I want him to be. PS. #gotheGiants @GWSGiants #neversurrender ... See MoreSee Less

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Jen Dalitz

2 years ago

Jen Dalitz

I haven’t been here in a while as the writing has been on hold. But I was reminded today that there are things in our life that light us up. That might take us out of our comfort zone but, once you sit with it, bring you both joy and a sense of “I can do this” achievement. These moments are such a gift. So I’m curious, what’s your special thing that lights you up?

Despite (or in spit of) my professional career, these moments for me normally involve my horses. I’ll never be an equestrian Olympian, but I take great pleasure in all the lessons my horses teach me. They remind me that it’s a team effort, we’re in it together, and that if I’m prepared to give a little bit more, they will too. That’s true whether we’re on the ground taking care of their feet, or grooming, or when I’m atop riding as one. Two hearts one team.
It’s hard to describe the adrenaline and joy they bring to my life. But I’d love to know, what lights you up??
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